The ones we love forgot to love us back

Thu, 05 May 2005 00:47:03 GMT

...this is the hardest thing I've ever had to do...and I wouldn't be able to do it with you...Thanks a million!...

Tue, 03 May 2005 23:21:40 GMT

...i'm excited...it should be decent...only going to prom for a short while then running around town like crazy kids...kinda...

Sun, 01 May 2005 23:58:25 GMT

As I sat there in English class, I stared at the girl next to me. She was my so-called 'best friend'. I stared at her silky long hair and wished she were mine. But she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it. After class, she walked up to me and asked me for the notes she had missed the day before. I handed them to her. She said 'thanks' and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don’t want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don’t know why.

11th grade, the phone rang. On the other end, it was she. She was in tears, mumbling on and on about how her love had broke her heart. She asked me to come over because she didn't want to be alone, so I did. As I sat next to her on the sofa, I stared at her soft eyes, wishing she was mine. After 2 hours, one Drew Barrymore movie, and three bags of chips, she decided to go to sleep. She looked at me, said "thanks' and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don’t know why.

Senior year, the day before prom she walked to my locker. "My date is sick" she said, he’s not going to go" well, I didn't have a date, and in 7th grade, we made a promise that if neither of us had dates; we would go together- just as 'best friends'. So we did. Prom night, after everything was over, I was standing at her front door step. I stared at her as she smiled at me and stared at me with her crystal eyes. I want her to be mine, but she doesn't think of me like that, and I know it. Then she said- "I had the best time, thanks!" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don’t want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

A day passed, then a week, then a month. Before I could blink, it was graduation day. I watched as her perfect body floated like an angel up on stage to get her diploma. I wanted her to be mine but she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it. Before everyone went home, she came to me in her smock and hat, and cried as i hugged her. Then she lifted her head from my shoulder and said- 'you're my best friend, thanks' and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don’t want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and don't know why.

Now I sit in the pews of the church. That girl is getting married. That girl is getting married now. I watched her say 'i do' and drive off to her new life, married to another man. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn't see me like that, and I knew it. But before she drove away, she came to me and said 'you came!'. She said 'thanks' and kissed me on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don’t want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

Years passed, I looked down at the coffin of a girl who used to be my 'best friend'. At the service, they read a diary
entry she had wrote in her high school years. This is what it read: "...I stare at him wishing he was mine; but he doesn't notice me like that, and I know it. I want to tell him, I want him to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love him but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why. I wish he would tell me he loved me!..." I wish I did too...' I thought to myself, and I cried.

Fri, 29 Apr 2005 01:09:47 GMT

I want to wait for you...don't get me wrong...I don't want to wait though and grow more attached and then you realize I'm not for you...I can't do that...I wish you could just tell me now...I think about you 24/7 but I wonder if you do too...I want you to know that I'll be there for you no matter what...I want you to know that today was amazing

I want you to know I haven't felt this good in what seems like forever

Wed, 27 Apr 2005 23:44:21 GMT

I am tired of competing with you...I am done with it....I can only be who I am...thats all I can do...

Tue, 26 Apr 2005 00:32:16 GMT

"i was thinking about time driving home like 20 school days from now we are going to be like that was fast...like the here and now is what is so slow but as a whole it moves faster then we all could possibly wish"

...so true...i want to be out of school so bad but I know once I am I will miss it like whoa!...school and work today went decent...Kristin came to visit me to buy skim(fat-free) milk...made me happy...everything is coming to a close but i feel like i have so much to accomplish in the next 20 days...we all do...

Sun, 24 Apr 2005 19:47:11 GMT

I was young but I wasn't naive
I watched helpless as he turned around to leave
And still I have the pain I have to carry
A past so deep that even you could not bury if you tried

After all this time
I never thought we'd be here
Never thought we'd be here
When my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go

I would fall asleep
Only in hopes of dreaming
That everything would be like is was before
But nights like this it seems are slowly fleeting
They disappear as reality is crashing to the floor

After all this time
I never thought we'd be here
Never thought we'd be here
When my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go

After all this time
Would you ever wanna leave it
Maybe you could not believe it
That my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you will ever know
A part of me died when I let you go
And I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me dies when I let you go

Posted Sept. 29, 2004...

Sun, 24 Apr 2005 03:44:34 GMT

And then, there's you...the one I've like since hmm, 2nd semster of last year...your the one I truely want...no one knows who you are and its best to keep it like that...things spread fast...but i wish i could tell you...i can feel from you sometimes that you feel the same way...I wish i knew for sure if you feel it too everyonce in awhile...

*Will you go to prom with me? Why is that such a hard question to ask you?*

Because I am bored...

Sat, 23 Apr 2005 20:38:17 GMT

have u:
[x] smoked a cigarette
[ ] smoked a cigar
[ ] madeout with a member of the same sex
[ ] crashed a friend's car
[ ] stolen a car
[x] been in love
[x] been dumped
[/] shoplifted...not really.
[ ] been fired
[/] been in a fist fight
[ ] snuck out of your parent's house
[x] had feelings for someone who didn't have them back
[ ] been arrested
[ ] made out with a stranger
[ ] gone on a blind date
[x] lied to a friend
[ ] had a crush on a teacher
[x] skipped school
[ ] seen someone die
[ ] had a crush on one of your myspace friends
[x] been on a plane
[ ] seen the rocky horror picture show
[ ] thrown up in a public place
[ ] purposely set a part of myself on fire
[x]eaten sushi
[x] met someone in person from the internet
[x] been moshing at a concert
[x] had "real feelings" for someone you knew only online
[ ] been in an abusive relationship
[x] taken painkillers
[x] loved someone
[x] laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by
[x] made a snow angel
[x] had a tea party
[x] flown a kite
[x] built a sand castle
[x] gone puddle jumping...for a dollar!
[x] played dress up
[x] jumped into a pile of leaves
[x] gone sledding
[x] cheated while playing a game
[x] been lonely
[x] fallen asleep at work/school
[ ] used a fake id
[x] watched the sun set
[ ] felt an earthquake
[x] touched a snake
[x] slept beneath the stars
[x] been tickled
[ ] been robbed
[x] been misunderstood
[x] won a contest
[x] ran a red light...not on purpose
[ ] been suspended from school
[x] been in a car accident
[x] had braces
[x] felt like an outcast
[x] eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night
[ ] had deja vu
[x] danced in the moonlight
[x] hated the way you look
[x] witnessed a crime
[x] questioned your heart
[ ] been obsessed with post-it notes
[x] squished barefoot through the mud
[x] been lost
[x] been to the opposite side of the country
[x] swam in the ocean
[x] felt like dying
[x] cried yourself to sleep
[x] played cops and robbers
[x] recently colored with crayons/colored pencils/markers
[x] sang karaoke
[ ] paid for a meal with only coins
[x] done something you told yourself you wouldn't
[x] made prank phone calls
[x] laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
[x] caught a snowflake on your tongue
[x] danced in the rain
[ ] written a letter to santa claus
[ ] been kissed under a mistletoe
[x] watched the sun rise with someone you care about
[x] blown bubbles
[ ] made a bonfire on the beach
[ ] crashed a party
[x] gone rollerskating
[x] had a wish come true
[ ] worn pearls
[ ] jumped off a bridge
[x] screamed penis in public
[x] ate dog/cat food...on a dare [percussion ritual. haha]
[ ] told a complete stranger you loved them
[x] kissed a mirror
[x] sang in the shower
[ ] have a little black dress
[x] had a dream that you married someone
[x] glued your hand to something
[ ] got your tongue stuck to a flag pole
[ ] kissed a fish
[x] worn the opposite sexes clothes
[ ] been a cheerleader
[ ] sat on a roof top
[x] screamed at the top of your lungs
[ ] done a one-handed cartwheel!
[x] stayed up all night
[ ] didn't take a shower for a week
[ ] pick and ate an apple right off the tree
[x] climbed a tree
[ ] had a tree house
[ ] are scared to watch scary movies
[ ] believe in ghosts
[ ] have more then 30 pairs of shoes...Kristin *shakes head*
[ ] worn a really ugly outfit to school just to see what others say
[ ] gone streaking
[ ] played ding-dong-ditch
[ ] played chicken
[x] been pushed into a pool/lake with all your clothes on
[ ] been told your beautiful by a complete stranger
[ ] broken a bone
[x] been easily amused
[ ] caught a fish then ate it
[x] watched porn
[ ] made porn
[x] caught a firefly
[x] laughed so hard you cried
[x] cried so hard you laughed
[x] mooned/flashed someone
[x] had someone moon/flash you
[x] cheated on a test
[x] own a britney spears cd
[x] forgotten someones name
[x] slept naked
[ ] french braided someones hair
[x] been so happy it hurt
[x] been so sad it hurt

Tue, 05 Apr 2005 19:41:15 GMT

I want someone I can call up at anytime and just be like lets go for a walk in the park or lets go have a snowball fight...
I want someone that I can be myself around...
I want someone that I don't have to hide anything from...
I want someone that never gets tired of that late nite call just to say hi...
I want someone that I think of last at night and first thing in the morning...
I want someone that isn't perfect but is perfect to me...
I want someone that I can sit and talk to for hours, never running out of things to say...
I want someone that wants me as bad as I want them...
I want someone...

Tue, 22 Mar 2005 21:08:29 GMT

...I believed you...I thought you had changed...I wanted to believe that...I tried to get everyone else to believe it too...I fought for you to some extent...I believed there was a good side to you...I still do...give me a call when you find that side of you...

Fri, 18 Mar 2005 01:02:28 GMT

I am sorry it upsets you but why can't I be myself...why can't I like what I like and not like what I don't like...I don't think I am making any senses but I'm am tired of having to be someone I am not...I wanna be me but I can't be that either

Mon, 07 Mar 2005 22:45:42 GMT

And god only knows all the places ive been
But i love this life that i'm living in
I wont look back to regret yesterday
Were not handed tomorrow so i'll live for today

Another day and yet anothers done spending a life living with in the past
I'll take the chance before the chance has gone
You never know when it'll be your last

St. Patrick Day Party

Mon, 07 Mar 2005 02:35:52 GMT

amypride269: we should have a st.patricks day party...and we could drink green milk and look for lepurchans
Tropicbreez23: hahahaha you're too much
amypride269: no seriously...we did that in elementary school and me and mandi would do it at her house...look for lepurchans that is...and save evidence we found in a box and we thought the chruch was haunted so we would search it for the ghost...haha...no we are so having a st. patricks day party!
amypride269: oh yes
Tropicbreez23: haha...absolutely not, i'm not doing anything that reminds you of mandi
amypride269: damn it...yes we are it also remembers me of the lepurchans in the woods at yellow springs...they were really there and had little houses!
Tropicbreez23: *shakes head*
amypride269: i'm excited
amypride269: we are going to have a party!
Tropicbreez23: you're insane
amypride269: i know...
Tropicbreez23: lol
amypride269: so are we going to have a party?
Tropicbreez23: not for st patricks day
amypride269: damn it
Tropicbreez23: haha
amypride269: i'm sad now
Tropicbreez23: unless it involves a lot of drinking...which is how the irish do it
Tropicbreez23: haha
amypride269: drinking of green milk...yes!
Tropicbreez23: I can't drink milk. so that's a no go
amypride269: yeah if that is all you eat or drink...hey we'll make green diet soda...somehow
Tropicbreez23: haha
Tropicbreez23: What day of the week is st patricks day?
amypride269: thursday...but we will have it on the weekend...because i have to work
Tropicbreez23: We aren't having a st patrick's day party!
amypride269: MEH!
Tropicbreez23: haha

Sun, 27 Feb 2005 15:31:55 GMT

I only update when I'm down...and my mood is always crushed...sorry just the way it works...

My dog is dying and I'm sad...yes I know he has been for three years but this time he really is...last time when we thought we were going to lose him was hard enough...now this time makes me sad to even look at him...bone cancer ate away the bone in one of his back legs and they are pretty sure that it went to his lungs...he doesn't really do much anymore but sleep...he is 13 therefore if you do that dog year thing he is really 91 so he made it along time but it almost feels like he the only thing that has stayed a constant in my life...I've had him since I was in kindergarten and grew up with him...I wish pets could live forever...espically cute ones!

Thu, 03 Feb 2005 00:02:15 GMT

All I want to do is go spend 3 or 4 days with my 5 closest friends from high school before we go our seperate ways...but no...I can't do that...no matter how good of a kid I've been and no matter how hard I've tried to be good at everything I do it doesn't matter...since there will be no parent there to protect me from things I've never experienced before and may wanna do I can't go...so they say they trust me but they don't because they don't think I'll make good decessions...I hate it...I do...it has to do with not be 18 as well...Even if I was 18 they still would advise aganist it...do they not understand that in less then 7 months I could be living in a dorm by myself...there I could make bad decessions too...what difference does it make...eventually I will have to go out in the real world and they'll just have to wait to see if they have rised me right...

So...Kristin, Megan, Ashley, MaryLynn, and Sam...sorry I wish I could so bad...I fought it with everything I had...you guys are the greatest!

Looking back at me I see
That I never really got it right
I never stopped to think of you
I'm always wrapped up in
Things I cannnot win
You are the antidote that gets me by
Something strong
Like a drug that gets me high

What I really meant to say
Is I'm sorry for the way I am
I never meant to be so cold to you

And I'm sorry about all the lies
Maybe in a different light
You could see me stand on my own again
Cause now i can see
You were the antidote that got me by
Something strong like a drug that got me high
I never meant to be so cold

I never really wanted you to see
The screwed up side of me that I keep
Locked inside of me so deep
It always seems to get to me
I never really wanted you to go
So many things you should have known
I guess for me theres just no hope
I never meant to be so cold

Fri, 21 Jan 2005 00:12:09 GMT

Why can't everyone just get along. Why do people have to lie behind other people's back. Why can't we just all love each other. I thought the drama was over until I heard some more things. I hate how people are two faced. I wish we could all just be happy but I guess that will never happen.

Two Updates in One day

Thu, 20 Jan 2005 19:50:59 GMT

1 minute ago: Reading LJ's
1 hour ago: Watching along came Polly on HBO
1 day ago: Hmmm, I think I was probably reading lj's...yeah...no life
1 year ago: A year ago today...I dunno...maybe with Bryce??

Words to describe the situation of now: I hate being sick and feel dumb for missing the first day of a new semester...oh well
Things I want: everything to turn out wonderful in the end... and to get better soon
Songs listened to: when...right now...none...recently...hmmm...i dunno
Things accomplished: watched a lot of movies and TV

Windows open: Ok...confused if you mean house windows none, if you mean computer windows, 2.

Things around the computer: Tv, printer, playstation, keyboard, futon...a bunch of stuff
Thoughts of now: I'm really content right now and I like it
E-mails: do i have any?...just lj e-mailing me to tell me steven replied to a comment
Lyric: "I wanted you to know I love the way you laugh, I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away"

Random: My basement is cold!

Spell your name backwards: YMA. just add a c and it could be YMCA and I couls be ACMY
Where do you live?: Frederick
Describe yourself in three words: content, worried, hmm, happy..
Who is your worst enemy?: hmm, i don't think I have enemies...do I?
If you could have ANY animal for a pet, what would it be?: a snake...yeah...or panda haha
Do you know what a spork is?: Yeah, they have them at taco bell
What is the latest you've ever stayed up?: i dunno, probably until like 4 or something
Ever been to Belgium?: Nope...
Toothbrush: umm, i think its blue..?
Jewelry worn daily: my "class" ring
Underwear: it has betty boop on it and its pink, white, and black...
Shoes: none
Nail polish: none
Handbag: i have a bag kinda thing from target with fruit on it that ashley tried to steal...yes
Favorite top: ummm, hmm, i really like my billabong shirt thats brown and says from sunrise to sunset...and my conserve water, shower with a friend...yeah
Favorite pants: paris blues that I have they fit nicely
Perfume: I wear some bath and body work body spary but that's about it
CD in stereo right now: umm, i think its seether in my car and none in my one in my room
Tattoos: none...but i'm suppose to get an A on my foot with incubus bubbles once kristin is 18...yes...
Piercings: My ears...but I rarely wear earrings.
Current music: None..
Wearing: umm, a pair of jeans and my hard rock cafe shirt from LA
Hair: wet
Makeup: haha, no
In my mouth: teeth and a tongue...yes
In my head: I think my brain
Hearing: Me typing on the keyboard...I type loud
Wishing: It was suppose to snow some more like tonite although I do need to go to school
After this: stay on-line for awhile

Thu, 20 Jan 2005 16:50:39 GMT

I finally becoming the person I've always wanted to be...standing up for myself and being able to say no...and for once that makes me truely happy...

Well...I was going to give you the converstation I just had with Mark but I closed it...yeah...not the brightest...let just say hopefully I will never see him again...EVER....Yes, finally...I know....

Fri, 14 Jan 2005 20:33:47 GMT

You scored as Indie Rock. Indie Rock.

</td>

Indie

54%

Indie Rock

54%

Emo & More

46%

Classic Rock.

38%

Mainstream

38%

Country

38%

Industrial

33%

Punk and Pop Punk.

33%

Ska

33%

Hardcore

33%

Britpop

25%

Hip Hop and Rap

17%

Music Recommendation
created with QuizFarm.com

I don't think this is very true...

Wed, 05 Jan 2005 02:40:50 GMT

The 2005 TJ High School Marching Band Trip is:

A beautiful place in Williamsburg, PA. We will be leaving friday to play in a concert and then a ghost walk will follow. Saturday we will wake up and get to go to wonderful Busch Gardens until early nite when we will then attend an award cermony from the adjudication/concert thing. We will then drive back to Frederick, MD. All this for the low price of $250.Please make sure you sign up for this wonderful opportunity that you wouldn't want to miss out on.

In other news: I have a small crush. My goal is to ask him if he wants to hang out outside of school before first semester ends. We will see. He is rather cute though...hmm...hmm...

Wed, 22 Dec 2004 02:49:42 GMT

I'm done crushing on people that no matter how hard I try and no matter what I do I will never be good enough. I wish I could figure out what I am doing wrong. Its been awhile since I've been with someone...almost 10 months. Its not the physically aspect I miss the most...it's the emotionally aspect. I just want to feel liked, needed and maybe even loved again. I just want to feel like I mean something to someone. Why does that feel so impossible??

Tue, 14 Dec 2004 20:27:56 GMT

Where did I mess up? Where did I turn into the person I never wanted to be? When did I stop trying? When did I stop caring?

When did I stop living?

I Don't think this is very true...

Thu, 09 Dec 2004 21:00:57 GMT

You scored as Catholic.

</td>

Catholic

80%

Christian

70%

Cult

55%

Buddhist

45%

Anarchist

30%

Jewish

25%

Religion
created with QuizFarm.com

Fri, 03 Dec 2004 02:37:36 GMT

Stole this from Kelsey's LJ...
You can ask me 6 questions. Any 6 no matter how personal,private or random. I have to answer them honestly. In turn you have to post this message in your own livejournal and you have to answer the questions that are asked to you...